Ahhh, where to begin? I find that I don’t have adequate words to describe how I am feeling. Maybe it is because I have not used them to describe my own life in so long. Or maybe it is that I never experienced them in this way? Regardless of what the reason is, I can only try to describe this new part of my life the best I know how. By using over the top words and actions, with slight exaggerations and complete and total abandonment to the events as they happened. I am still a Pierce despite the sign on my classroom door that reads Mrs. Fiechtner with an additional Mrs. Feekner logo (my feeble attempt to have my name pronounced correctly), and a Pierce always embellishes for effect.
Coming from a place of great sorrow and spending so much time longing for something to change I found myself relishing every bit of this new experience. Spending many hours at school way before I was expected to be there, rearranging my room, working on projects, cleaning, and just generally soaking up the atmosphere. As the school year drew closer I began to feel more and more confident in the plans that God has so clearly laid out for me and Mike in this new adventure. Don’t get me wrong I was very nervous the first day of school. I knew one of two things would happen, I would sound completely prepared and ready to teach art, or I would throw up on the senior sitting in the front row. Well, even though neither of those happened I made it through my first day with little to no issues, with a great big praise for the lack of vomit by me or anyone else in my classroom. And each day as I stood in front of my class, my confidence grew; and slowly I could feel a new woman rising in me. For the first time in a long time I could feel the presence of God leading me, and I was listening. As the words poured from my mouth one feeling kept coming back to me, “so this is what it feels like to do God’s will.”
I have to admit, as a girl who is never at a loss for words, never one to appear uncomfortable in a social situation and always quick to put on the façade of perfection, the last year and half have been the most difficult time of my life. And to be able to emerge from that with a new hope brings so much joy to my heart I feel as though people might begin to stare at all of the extra oozing out in my smile and demeanor. And although I am still very beaten and battered from the events that I never go a day without thinking about, I finally feel like instead of new blows I am being given the chance to heal. Slow as it may be, I know in my heart that this job is going to play a big part in making those wounds less painful. And in some way I feel as though this is God’s sign to me that he can create great things out of horrible situations. I think the moment of greatest emotion came for me when I was putting the final touches on my room. As anyone who knows me can tell you, the one thing in this world I am most proud of is my family, and so of course I needed to get pictures of them up for all to see. As I hung those pictures in my room I knew without a shadow of doubt that this new road that God was taking me on was going to be a success. Because with a family like mine behind me how could I possibly fail. As I hung the picture of my Grandpa Jim, I saw so clearly the collision of two paths, one of sorrow and pain crashing into one of hope and promise. And in that moment I could feel my grandpa telling me, “I am so proud of the new path you are about to walk down, and I will be with you every step of the way.”
So here I stand at the end of week one. Not blind to the struggles that face me nor standing in a pool of naiveté thinking that it is always going to be this easy. It is just me standing at the beginning of a new road, treading lightly toward the light of hope that this new journey brings. Fully aware that it is not the job that will change my life but the life giving gift of me welcoming God’s presence back into the journey. And although I know I will look back from time to time, it will be out of love not pain.
And just to spice things up, (I wouldn’t want to let the greatest story teller of all time down by not throwing in a bit of humor and exaggeration).
My week one top 5:
5. Starting my new job off by singing worship songs, listening to devotions, and taking communion with my co-workers.
4. Having one of my middle school students tell me my name was spelled wrong in the syllabus, (she really bought into the phonetic spelling, its spelled Fiechtner, not Feekner).
3. Blindfolding my students and letting them draw sound, all in the name of art of course.
2. Being initiated as a new teacher at our all school retreat. I was asked to describe my first time eating a candy cane, but the students were told I was describing my first kiss.
1. Getting to share my job as a teacher, with the one person who has been my biggest supporter through the good and the bad of getting to this point. Mike made an amazing teacher, and the kids loved hearing about his amazing photography!
